My Release
by JessXO
Summary: He was tracing my scar. The scar I received while he was away. The scar that is permanent, cast on the outside of my skin resembling the scar of my heart. Edward learns a disturbing truth that took place during his months of absence. ONE SHOT. OCC


I awoke to gentle patterns being drawn on the underside of my arm. I opened my eyes slightly, trying to focus my bleary eyes on the person sitting in front of me. He was sitting in all his glory, looking at me through his long dark eyelashes. There was just enough light filtering through my bedroom window to see the plains of his face and his body. His eyes were as black as midnight, a result of refusing to hunt. He was in pain and hurting due to me but he refused to leave. His pale skin stood in contrast with the darkness surrounding us, he was my light in the dark and always will be, as long as he is at my side. With him around I know I will be okay, I can see the word clearly but with him gone he has taken away my light, my everything and left me in a dark, depressing, scary place, where the unknown can happen. It threatens to drag you away from life, breaking you, your heart and your soul beyond repair.

"Bella," his voice came out in barely a whisper. It was strained and hoarse as though he had been the one sleeping. In his tone I was able to detect traces of pain, whether it was his emotional pain or his physical pain, I was unable to decide, it was more likely a combination of the two.

"Mmm," I mumbled sleepily, trying to raise the energy to clear my throat. The noise that came out was fluctuating in pitch and cracked slightly towards the end before colliding with a yawn.

"What happened?" his whisper came out breathless and ghostly, fitting the current setting of the room.

"Where?" I asked as I cleared my throat, hoping, and succeeding, in making my voice sound stronger and more _there._

He didn't answer my question; he cast his eyes downwards and began tracing his fingers across the curve of my wrist. I watched the emotions play across his face, anger, confusion, sorrow and most of all pain. I suddenly realized what he was tracing. He was tracing my scar. The scar I received while he was away. The scar that reminded me of my own personal dark ages. The scar that reminded me of a not so happy time in my life. The scar that was permanent, cast on the outside of my skin resembling the scar of my heart. The scar he caused.

"Oh," I whispered, adverting my eyes from his face and withdrawing my arm, bring it in close to my side.

"You didn't…" he whispered in disbelief and desperation, searching for a more reasonable explanation to the scar on my wrist.

"I-I, -" I stuttered, afraid to raise my voice and my head. Afraid of what I would see in his face.

"Please, talk to me," he pleaded. A cold finger found the underside of my chin, coaxing my face up to look at him.

"You wouldn't understand," I whispered, closing my eyes. My mind tried to wonder back to the time in which I got the scar. It was something I rarely tried to think about, as much as I can help it. It hurt too much, not to mention the abandonment that tries to claw its way through my chest. He had already left me once; he could always do it again.

He waited in silence for me to open my eyes. I could feel the intense stare of his obsidian eyes upon my face; reluctantly I opened my eyes and looked into his pain filled ones.

"Make me understand!" his voice came out dripping in pain and traces of anger slashed through the pain.

"I don't know where to start," I mumbled through un-moving lips.

"How about the beginning?" he suggested in a subdued voice. His eyes were closed, releasing mine of there imprisonment.

"When you left you didn't just leave, you took my heart with you," I paused to gage his reaction of my words. As I said them I could hear the sharp intake of breath. "You left me broken, lifeless, heartless and soulless. You ran into the night taking everything that I needed to survive."

"I am so sorry," his voice was a breathless pant; his body shudder as a dry sob broke through his chest, rattling his insides.

Silence lingered thick in the air, a heavy veil covering us, threatening never to let us resurface.

"I was hollow without you. I found when I was doing something reckless that you would disapprove of, you came to me. Spoke to me. I did many things, each bringing you to me. Eventually you didn't come any more. I felt like you didn't care," as I spoke these words for the very first time I felt my barrier of tears break down and cascade down my cheeks, speaking every unspoken ounce of grief I had endured, all the emotions words were unable to explain.

"I will always care, no matter what. You know that. You know I only left to protect you, if I had known you would have done such things I would never have left." His intense gaze was back, the blackness of his eyes smothering the brown of mine. Every word spoken by him was sincere, words straight from the path of his heart. "What made you do this?" he asked, turning his tormented gaze turned back to my wrist.

I sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. "My days were getting worse, I was forgetting things about you. Your face, your smell, your touch," I regretted telling him all this as I saw the amount of self loathing and pain spread through his features, masking his perfect face behind them. "I remembered all the things we shared, the time we spent together, it broke me even further, remembering what was. I needed to see you; it was crucial to my sanity. I debated on how to do it. I thought of one idea that plagued my sanity. I knew better than to do it, but I couldn't think of anything else. The urge within me grew so strong, it over powered me…" I couldn't carry on; the tears poured relentlessly down my cheeks, unforgiving and uncompromising.

Edward's arms encaged me in his safe cage and brought me to his lap. He tucked my head under his chin. As the sobs broke through my body I could feel the shudder of his body, I could feel the dry sobs shaking him to his very core. I knew telling him this would destroy him, as well as myself. I had managed to keep it to myself for few days since Edward had come back.

His voice was rough, his face and his body may have been carved from stone as he asked, "Why? Why would you do it to your self? Why would you do it to Charlie? Why would you do it to me?"

"Because you were gone!" I sobbed, turning my face into his shirt, staining it with the salt of my tears.

"I'm here! I will never leave you again. It's a miserable excuse, but I love you too much to leave you again. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Trust me Bella, I will never leave you again!" his voice weaved between gentle velvet and rough words, creating a symphony. His arms tightened around me as he promised promises that he can easily break. "Why would you do it? Please explain it to me. Why would you do such a thing?"

I took a deep breath before answering the hardest part of his question, the question in which I never wanted him to ask. "You wouldn't come to me. I was deserted and alone. Jake wasn't speaking to me. Charlie wasn't around, neither was Renée. I felt as though no body cared."

"Baby, you know that's not true," a cold breath brushed over my cheek whispering me the words.

I ignored his words of comfort and carried on with the words sure to be permanently etched into his mind. The words that will break him, crush his soul. "The emotional pain was overwhelming, I had never felt anything with that much force unleashed on my heart. The pain of being unwanted. I didn't know how to deal with it anymore; I just wanted it to go away. I needed it to go away." I took a deep breath before continuing through my darkest secrets and memories. "I accidently cut my finger making dinner for Charlie, the physical pain took my mind away from my emotional pain, it made me forget. The urge that I was able to suppress earlier faired back with even more force. It raised its ugly head, promising me a way out even though it was just for a couple of minutes; it was still a way out. It promised to be my release. Before I knew what I was doing I was standing with the… the… razor blade pressed against my wrist…" I said before pressing my face back into Edward's chest.

Edwards' hand stopped the soothing circles on my back, I could feel as his hand tuned into a fist against my back. He drew me even closer to his chest, as though holding me together. For the first time in months I felt as though I were semi-complete. That my mended heart was capable of being healed, as long as he was here and loved me, I knew I could be stronger, my heart would be bandaged, the bandages holding the pieces together. Although my heart was being held together my tears increased, they rolled down my cheeks in floods. I cried into Edward's chest until I couldn't cry any more. As Edward held me against his chest holding me tightly, I could feel the sobs breaking through his body. We shared each other's pain: things he had done and things I had done.

"I never… I didn't… I'm so sorry," he scrambled for words through a petite voice that was shaking due to the force of his emotions, something so strong he was unsure of how to deal with it. "Bella…"

"Just promise me one thing," I spoke, my voice cracking and coming out barely audible to human ears but loud enough for Edward to hear.

"Anything!" his voice rose and broke.

"Stay by my side, forever. Don't leave. I know I cant live without you. You are the one, the only one for me; no one can ever take your place, only you can," the words through my lips were those straight from my heart.

"Please, Bella, please forgive me. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, you have got to believe me," the words were rushed and spoken quickly; I had to listen carefully to catch all the words.

"Just promise me,"

"I promise," he replied before crashing his lips to mine. This kiss wasn't like all the other careful ones; this one was stronger, more passionate. It sealed the promise.

"Just promise me something in return," he whispered against my ear. I nodded my head once in agreement. "This-" he leant away and captured my delicate wrist between his strong hands, he brought it up to place a soft kiss against the scar, "has to stop, it's the one thing I ask of you."

"I promise," I answered truthfully before wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing his face down to my level. I kissed him with as much love and adoration I was able to muster up. I let my feelings and emotions over power me in my actions. I expected him to push me away, this was beyond his limit, he did the opposite thing, he kissed me back with even more passion. Our lips moved together declaring our love for each other.

"I love you so much."

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**This in no way has any relationship to my life. Im not speaking from personal experiences, I have never ever done this before nor do I intend to.  
On lighter notes, PLEASE REVIEW! **


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